Feeling lost is ok. Career-related mistakes are ok. Bla bla bla bla bla :/
I usually get dreams of losing my teeth. The whole set of it. Google does say that its a sign of depression, but really, talking about depression to any other person is so full of guilt. And why not, it makes sense that in this horrible situation of pandemic people should care less about their small suffering and more on what actually matters. But what if it's out of reach or simply impractical. What if I am not great and want to first concentrate on myself before I take care of others. First I am homesick and second I no longer feel the passion to get up, code, develop, read.
No, first of all, change the fucking notion of "doing good things", "following passion", and all bull shit. Tech giants don't run in air, there are millions and millions of people who believe in 9-5 job and do the work assigned to them properly to run a great company. Don't for god's sake ask people to get some hyped degree or start-up, or explore more and more areas. It only confuses the natural flow. I should instead be saying to STOP listening to people for once. You would have known basic things and plans about yourself. Don't pollute it or compromise it for something you hardly feel the urge from inside.
And stop looking for options. Someone in some ted talk said: we should do what we are already born with. If in some domain my brain performs great without getting tired (to not be confused with challenged), I already have found my thing.
They say you become the average of 5 closest people you are surrounded with. I can say I have my dad and probably only him from whom I can be inspired. The rest four are meh. Isolation is indeed required these days. Time to be as much on good sites (slack, stack overflow, GitHub) as possible.
It feels good to be mean. Bad people, good people, good-bad people, all are required to make this world a better place 🙂
Also, I am sick of my temporary lifestyle changes. I won't commit anything in an article as it will be very annoying for me to degrade the value of my post with something that might not be true in the future.
Anyway, while I hope to keep fighting all of what is going inside me, you take care. Cheers!